Dear College Senior...

I am assuming that you are reading this because you are a graduating senior. Or maybe you are post grad or maybe you are a freshman wondering what it’s like to be a college senior. Well to the freshman, I wish I could tell you that. And to my fellow Seniors, and post grad’s: are you just as confused as I am?

Hi, I’m Sarah I am currently in my last semester of college and there are two questions that ring in my head nearly every minute of the day. The first, what on earth am I doing? And the second, what am I going to do with the rest of my life?

Now listen, I am completely aware that these are not senior in college specific questions. However, I do believe that in this stage of life, these two questions are on the forefront of every graduating seniors mind.

These questions do not merely appear on their own, they are breed through fear filled questions of what. if.

What if. Oh man. Doesn’t that phrase haunt us every single moment? I know it does for me. Let me provide some examples:

What if I don’t get a job right out of college?

What if me hating my major right now, is because I was never meant for this line of work?

What if I get a job, but it has nothing to do with what I studied?

What if I don’t get a job that pays enough for me to live on my own?

What if everything I have worked so hard for amounts to nothing?

What if I work somewhere that I hate for the rest of my life?

What if I never figure out what I am supposed to do?

Yeah, been there. In fact, I am there. When I first entered into college I thought that my senior year would be the best year of my college experience. Let me tell you freshman me’s plan:

I would have a job lined up in women’s ministry before I even graduated. I would likely move somewhere in the South (because I love the South). I would be in my last semester with all of my friends on campus, going to events, doing late night homework in library, and most importantly I would walk across the stage at my graduation and celebrate with friends and family on all the hard work I had put into the last four years! And then, “HA!” said 2020.

2020, the year of the unexpected. Now when I think of unexpected I think of being caught off guard. I think we can all agree that 2020 was the definition of being caught off guard.

When the school year came to a halt in March 2020, I had no idea that all the expectations I had set for my senior year were about to go extinct.

When I think of what my 2020 consisted of all I can think of is disappointment. Flat-out, straight up. Big fat bummer. Now don’t get me wrong, 2020 had its moments of joy and beauty. But I feel it’s important that we address the disappointment that we’ve all experienced.

So, circling back to the what if’s, I would say that these are questions most seniors ask themselves when graduating. But let’s put a 2020 twist on it.

What if my parents don’t get to see me graduate?

What if I don’t get to have a graduation?

What if I never see my college classmates again?

What if I never get the chance to live on campus again?

What if there are no job’s available?

What if my new job can’t afford to keep me?

What if I can’t afford to pay my rent because I lost the job I had lined up?

What if everything I’ve ever known is gone forever?

As you read those, I am sure that there was at least one question that resonated with you. Me too. And as I present this long lists of questions to those I love, I keep being told, “Just take it one day at a time.” And to that I usually nod and smile.

But can I let you in on a secret? I am doing the opposite of smiling when I hear that. Because the only thing I think when I hear that phrase is, “Yeah okay, but WHAT IF I take it one day at a time, and then it’s a month or two later, and I have now spent so much time taking it one day at a time that nothing has gotten done, everyone but me has a job, I’m unemployed, and completely S.O.L.”

Now those may not be your exact thoughts but I’m sure you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Everyone at one point in their life will be senior in college. And yet, not everyone will be a senior in the midst of a Pandemic, and as much as I’d like to say it’s like a badge of honor or something cool to tell my kids about one day. It is most definitely not that.

It not a cool thing when you are doing your last semester of classes all online with no student interaction, working part time, living states away from your best friend who you imagined doing your senior year with. All while realizing your parents won’t see you graduate.

Now this is my story, and I know that there are others out there are being hit WAY harder than I can imagine. But I believe in vulnerability. I believe sharing your story can invite people to see themselves in you, making this world feel a lot less lonely. And let me tell you we could all use a little less lonely in our lives.

I think I’ve found that all my what if questions, make me feel very lonely, because they make me feel afraid. They also make me compare my path with someone else’s. As if to say that if my what if comes true, I am a failure. But a failure compared to who? My peers? My family? My ideal self? For me it’s all three.

In feeling lonely I often retreat. I run, far away. Away from people who I think have it all together, because I sure as heck don’t. But I don’t need them to know that. So, I run because I am drowning in my ‘what if’s’ unable to catch my breath.

A friend recently told me, that in asking ‘What if’ you are automatically removing God from the equation. Let me say that again…

When asking the question of ‘What if’ you are automatically removing God from the equation.

I’ve come to realize that 2020, was not unexpected for God. 2020, did not catch Him off guard. 2020, did not make His plan for my life go extinct.

2020, was created to be the high jump for my life. Starting low, and then running, all so I could reach what He has for me.

The Bible is full of stories of people who did the same as me, they started at a low point. And then they ran away. But at one point, God reached their heart. And they jumped. Jumped into His will, jumped head first into His plan.

So yeah there are ‘what if’s’ but they are no match for the BUT GOD!

But God made a way for me.

But God provided a job for me admits a pandemic.

But God saw me graduate.

But God made a way for me to pay off my debt.

But God blessed me financially.

But God called me to do this.

But God sees me.

BUT GOD LOVES ME.

So, to you: graduating seniors, or to you: college freshman, or to you: in a season of ‘what if’s’

Nobody has it together. Nobody’s life is perfect. Most people don’t know what they are doing. And most people are still just trying to figure this life thing out.

We are all lost, we all get lonely, and we all get confused. But I pray that in your lost, lonely, confusing place, you know you are not alone. You are not lost, you are simply finding your way home. And most important in your confusion, God makes a way. He always makes a way.

You’ve got this. I believe in you. You are not alone.

From one confused human to another…

All my love,

Sarah