Vulnerbility at its finest.

Honesty and vulnerability with yourself is so important.

Hello! Long time, no talk. It has been a hot minute since I have posted on here, and honestly, it has been a hot minute since I have written anything at all.

Before I share with you all that I have been growing through and learning. I must tell you that these past seven months have been the hardest months I have ever experience in my life. This is not to say, “feel bad for me”. This is to say, it has been hard, and life is tough.

But if I have learned anything these past months it is that there is power in vulnerability with yourself and with others.

Let’s begin with camp. I am not going to get too deep into this topic because, in all honesty, I myself am not quite there yet.

But what I can tell you is that although camp was the hardest summer I’ve ever experienced, looking back now I realize how much of a blessing this summer was for me.

Camp was an experience unlike any other. It was a place where my heart was pulled every which way. It was a place where my energy was exhausted, despite all the cups of coffee. It was a place where I was afraid to fall asleep at night because “what if a bear comes into my cabin”, after all, a raccoon did steal my backpack from my cabin. (True story.)

Despite all these wild, growing experiences, something happened this summer that I can’t quite put my finger on. Maybe it was being away from home for 3 months. Maybe it was pouring out my heart on a weekly basis. Maybe it was meeting people who changed my world forever. Regardless of what it is, I know that camp changed me. From the depths of my heart and mind, I am changed.

So, to all of you who I spent this summer with, thank you. Thank you for teaching me new things daily. Thank you for pushing me outside my comfort zone constantly. Thank you for giving me all the space to be 100% me, bandannas and all. Thank you for everything.

I love you all more than zip loves bears. You are all amazing.

Now, we have coming home from camp. Oh boy. This was a whirlwind. I came home from camp August 11th and I left for school August 24th. I am so grateful for the ability to spend two weeks home because some of my camp pals went straight to school. (So SHOUTOUT to you guys for doing that!).

Being home for only two weeks was a challenge. I felt like I came back to this world that had moved on without me because it did. I guess I expected everything to stop while I was away, but that was not the case. Coming home felt like coming to a place where nothing felt normal but my house. So, while I was trying to rest in those two weeks my mind was also everywhere and nowhere all at once. I felt like I had to catch up on all that I missed out on, and when I couldn’t, I felt helpless.

Life is funny that way. It moves so fast, and before we know it, things have changed and the places and people we thought we knew, look different. The thing that I didn’t understand was that this is so normal and actually very healthy.

But as school got closer, I got more excited to leave home and go back to a place I was sure would feel familiar. Whelp. This was most defiantly the opposite of what I had thought.

My transition from camp to home to school had exhausted me mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. So, needless to say, I was smacked in the face when I realized I was still exhausted and school did not change that.

I have been at school for almost three months now, and these phrases keep ringing in my head.

‘Healing takes time. Transitions are hard. Exhausted introverts need rest. Boundaries are good.

And that is all perfectly, absolutely, okay.’

I am going to be honest with all of you.

In this season of my life my mental health has been something that I have been struggling with lately, and yet, I have been scared to admit that due to shame I may feel.

Mental health is something that is very near to my heart. From personal experience to knowing other who struggle with things like anxiety or depression, and more. These are topics people don’t talk about. I myself don’t talk about it much due to the shame of feeling weak.

We go to church and we hear “God is the healer!” “We are conquerors through Christ!”

And please hear me, these are all SO insanely true, we don’t even know the weight of how true these statements actually are.

But covering up anxiety, depression, eating disorders, etc. with these statements can actually be detrimental to your physical brain. Now, I am not a neurologist expert. But I know by personal experience (And by Dr. Caroline Leaf and Steven Furtick’s Detoxing your mind) that covering up these illnesses with statements such as the ones above is not the way that God wants to heal you, and it is not the way He is trying to make you a conqueror.

There is something so crucial about actually feeling your feelings.

In order to be fully healed, you must allow that crack to fully break. You have to allow yourself to feel the emotions you are pushing down.

It is okay to not always be okay. There is power in being vulnerable with yourself. There is healing in the breaking. There is victory in feeling defeated.

This semester has been hard for me in all kinds of ways, but it has taught me to be real with myself. It has taught me that it is important to listen to yourself.

I talk at myself so much but I never actually sit down and listen to me.

So, I guess what I am trying to say is that if you are struggling right now. It is okay. You do not need to put a Christianese statement over it like a Band-Aid. If you struggle with mental health know that you are not crazy. Know that it is okay, and know that you are not alone.

And if you know someone who struggles with their mental health, please listen to them. Know that they are not weak because they struggle with this. Understand that it comes from a real place. Be there for them and partner alongside them by building them up and giving them a space to feel safe.

Mental illness does not define a person. It does not make them weird or crazy.

If you are struggling, know that you are not defined by this, even if it feels like it is engulfing your every thought. Know that God wants so much more for you. This is not to invalidate your feelings because I know what it is like to feel overwhelmed by your mind. And I may not know exactly what is going on, but I do know that you are loved.

You are seen by the Lord most high. The King of the ENTIRE universe loves you and is for you. If you think about how intricate the universe actually is, God loves YOU immeasurably more than you could ever know. You are His most prized position. He created you and He sees you in your struggle.

My challenge to you is, to be honest, and vulnerable with yourself, and with God. It’s okay to allow yourself to feel.

It is also okay to tell yourself that you are a conqueror through Christ and to tell yourself that He is the healer. Because you are and He is.

The truth will set you free, but you have to allow yourself to believe it and to feel it.

With all of this being said, I want you to understand that YOU are loved by God.

You may feel like the world is caving in on you. Or you may be in a place where you feel like you are on cloud nine.

Wherever you find yourself, feeling close to Him, feeling distant from Him, He is there with you.

He kneels down and gets on your level to meet with you. He looks you in the eyes, arms open, ready for you to let go and fall into His loving arms.

You have to let Him take your burdens. You were NEVER meant to carry this weight on your own.

Matthew 11:28-30

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Be honest with yourself. Be vulnerable with God. Open up to your safe people. Watch God move.

It is can be terrifying and difficult, but the outcome is freedom. And you were made to be VICTORIOUS.

I love YOU. You are doing amazing.

My prayer box is always open.

All my love,

Sarah